“It’s getting a bit hot in here, isn’t it?” How would you respond to this?

In many cultures, you might just say, “Yeah, it’s 30 degrees today!” and that’s it. But in Japan, this often carries a hidden plea: “(Don’t make me say it out loud… please just turn on the AC already!)”

The other day, one of my Japanese language learners shared a story with Mee San while looking a bit shaken (haha).

“Mee San, I used to think Japanese was a polite and humble language… but now I think it’s actually a little scary!”

She told me about a time she visited a Japanese friend’s house (let’s call her A-san) with a few other people. After chatting for about two hours, the host, A-san, looked at another guest’s (B-san) wristwatch and said: “Oh, B-san, what a lovely watch you’re wearing!”

Immediately, B-san stood up and said, “Everyone, I think it’s time we should head home!” My learner was in a total panic. “Wait! She just complimented a watch! Why is everyone leaving?! Is this some kind of magic spell?”

I laughed and explained to her: “Actually, in linguistics, we call this ‘Illocutionary Force.’ It’s a highly advanced Japanese social technique where the true meaning lies behind the spoken words.”

By complimenting the watch, the host was actually saying, “(Look at the time! I hope you notice how late it is without me having to kick you out.)”

Here are a few other “Time to go!” codes in Japan:

• “Would you like a refill of tea?” (= We’ve run out of snacks. The party is officially over.)
• “Today was so much fun! Let’s do this again soon!” (= The ‘now’ part is finished. Please head to the exit!)

My learner was shocked. “That’s like a secret code… it’s scary!” Indeed, for those who prefer direct communication, having your watch complimented as a signal to leave might feel like a scene from a horror movie.

But perhaps this “kindness of not saying things directly” is part of the Japanese spirit… maybe? Could you crack these Japanese secret codes?

P.S. If you want to dive deeper into these “magical” social codes or just want to chat about life’s little mysteries over a virtual cup of tea, I’m always here! Let’s untangle the beautiful complexity of Japanese culture together as friends.

[Click here to chat with Mee San!] 🌸✨

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